Friday, August 14, 2009

The Rules of #2....

Well, I just threw away a onesie, and a pair of pants, and about 10,000 wipes, and one gosh awful rancid diaper....

I know it's "wrong" and probably somewhat wasteful to throw away clothing, and I don't normally make a habit of doing that, but SERIOUSLY, that stuff stains!!! And to be perfectly honest, even if I did have some magical potion that would get it out....I would probably still throw the dern clothes away!

Who knew that something so toxic could come out of such a cute little baby? ugh. No one tells you this stuff! I guess it is just one of those things that you quickly figure out for yourself...either that or our baby is an anomaly and no one else has this problem. Either way, here is what I have learned so far (so for those of you that have yet to experience this joy, TAKE NOTE! and for those of you with weak stomachs, just scroll to the bottom for the cute picture)

1.....She will inevitably do her business OUT IN PUBLIC and very loudly at that. I'm talking grunts, toots, deep breaths, the whole nine yards....there's no denying what's going on here!

2.....All of the baby books that I read stated that "babies who are breastfed will have 'sweet' (this is a direct quote!!!) smelling diapers." Uh.....NOT!!! There is nothing "sweet" smelling about it. Unless you think "sweet" things make you gag, dry heave, lose your appetite, and want to ralph.....

3.....She will enjoy (I truly believe this)doing her business (and A LOT of it) right after you have put a clean diaper on her and snapped everything back up.

4.....She will make a habit out of filling her diaper right after that 3am feeding as soon as you have gone back to bed, and will then make sure that you are aware of this fact (as if you could deny it!)and then you have to attempt to change her IN THE DARK just praying that nothing foreign touches your skin or your PJ's....or hers either, I guess.....but it's just a little grosser when it touches me!

5.....Why oh why do onesies have to be pulled over her head?? There have been many times that I have just considered getting a pair of scissors and cutting straight up the front of that thing just so I don't have to "spread" everything from the bottom up (no pun intended)!!

6.....It doesn't just come out the back of a can also come out the sides, the front, and even seep straight through the thing.

7.....She has a sixth sense for when she is wearing white, or a cute outfit, or something that is next to impossible to get off without having to pull it over her head.

8.....She also has a sixth sense for when she is NOT wearing a out....that's all I'll say....just watch out. You only make this mistake once.

9.....She will, without a doubt, leave some "floaters" in the bathtub (even if you think there is NOTHING left in her little tummy) and she will do this, of course, right after she has been cleaned from head to toe, AND then to your absolute horror she will turn her head, open her mouth, and TRY TO DRINK THE WATER!!!

10.....Finally, as evidenced below, in the aftermath of her "incident" after she has totally destroyed her outfit, the changing table, your outfit, and everything in between, she will be incredibly proud of herself, give you a grin, and you will forget all about the "mess" and just see a precious little baby (who has been forbidden to wear anything but a diaper for the rest of the day and must lay on a blanket when on the furniture....)

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