grace...

there are so many things i want to teach my girls. life lessons i want them to learn. values and boundaries i want them to have. when i stop and think about the enormous task of growing them into the women i desire them to be, it can seem overwhelming-to say the least. it's a tremendous responsibility to be a parent; and one i don't take lightly. it's frightening at times to know that my girls are learning how to live, how to love, how to be... by watching how i live, how i love, and essentially soaking in what i show them about life. if i'm being honest, there are some days that it's a case of the blind leading the blind. i can let the whining and fussing and typical toddler antics get the best of me. i'm not proud of those "do as i say, not as i do" moments with my girls, but those are often the times I learn the most about myself and about motherhood. a few weeks ago at church, our pastor said something that resonated with me and i have been coming back to it time and time again....especially during those trying parenting moments. 

"be the kind of person you want to raise."

if you asked me what i desire for my girls, i could easily list off character traits and attributes that i'd love for them to posses. (fruits of the spirit, anyone?) kindness, faithfulness, and self-control, just to name a few. but if the tables were turned, would i be able to say the same about myself?  can i really expect my girls to grow into women that love God and love others if i just tell them how to do this, but don't show them? 

"be the kind of person you want to raise...."

i want my girls to be kind and loving. when someone speaks to them harshly or hurts them, i pray that they'll stand up for themselves, but do it out of love. 

"be the kind of person you want to raise...."

do i show kindness? when i feel hurt, am i quick to retort or do i speak out of love? 

i hope libbi and laney go after their goals and dreams. i want them to know that hard work and determination can take them SO far! and that success is so much sweeter when you've worked hard for it. 

"be the kind of person you want to raise...."

do i set goals and work hard to achieve them? am i diligent in my work?

i want my precious girls to always err on the side of faithfulness and be filled with grace and mercy. i want them to have a heart for serving others and know the joy that comes from answered prayers. 

"be the kind of person you want to raise...."

am i quick to give mercy? do i show grace when they've made mistakes? are my prayers those of a faithful follower?

i pray that libbi and laney will know that to have a friend, you have to be a friend. i pray that strong friendships will be ever present in their lives. 

"be the kind of person you want to raise...."

am i a good friend? do i make my friendships a priority? 

i hope that they will be brave enough to admit when they've made mistakes. i hope they'll not only seek forgiveness when they've messed up, but also extend it to others when they've been wronged.  i hope they'll know deep down in their souls that bitterness can darken their hearts, but forgiveness will always set them free.

"be the kind of person you want to raise...."

do i offer forgiveness when i've been wronged? do i admit my mistakes and ask for forgiveness? do i hold grudges? do i keep a record of wrongs? 

even though it seems light years away, there may come a day when "daughter" is not their only title. they may also be called "wife" and one day "mother." if and when that day comes, i hope that they will have marriages that glorify the Lord. i hope that they are wives that honor their husbands by loving fiercely and forgiving whole heartedly. i hope that they are mothers who love their children enough to discipline them and who take every opportunity to teach them about Jesus. 

"be the kind of person you want to raise...."

is my marriage glorifying to God? am i quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger? do i set boundaries for my children and discipline them out of love when they're broken? does my life reflect Jesus or does it reflect things of this world? 

"be the kind of person you want to raise...."

i've come to realize that for me, being a parent is not only humbling (think: tantrums in public, eating my words for all the times i said, "i'll never...") but it is also incredibly convicting. and i'm only a little over three years into this journey! :)

how can i expect my children to learn to love God and love others if i'm not willing to teach them by example? obviously, i'm human and i make mistakes - lots of them! - every day. but thank God that His grace is greater. greater than any mistake i could make. greater than any doubt i have. greater than any parenting blunder that comes my way. and with His all consuming grace comes my prayer that i can be the kind of person I want to raise.... the kind of mother He intended me to be...the kind of wife He intended me to be....the kind of person that He intended me to be.

 But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, "God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble."

James 4:6

life...

life is hard. there is sadness and hurt and hard times. there are struggles and trials and seasons of pain. yes, i believe that this world is not my home. yes, i believe that God is in control of everything. yes, i believe that i can still have joy in spite of my circumstances. but that doesn't mean life isn't hard.

and what's hard for me, might not be what's hard for you. for instance, i have friends whose child(ren) don't sleep through the night. their kids are up all night and my friends are struggling with the lack of sleep that comes with that. so much so that it's hard for some of them to make it through the day. in contrast, being up all hours of the night is not hard for me. my girls are up all night, but i've always been able to run on a few hours of sleep. however, just because it's not something i struggle with doesn't make it any less of a struggle for those that do.

i've heard so many people say, "well, it could be worse...." and i've even been guilty of saying it myself. and while it's true that things could always "be worse"; when you're in the midst of a tough time, it sure doesn't feel like it could get any lower than what it already is. it's almost like we believe that if we gloss over what we're going through, and remind ourselves that someone else has it worse than we do, it might just take the edge off of what we're really feeling. when instead, we risk devaluing the struggles we're facing or the hurts that are consuming us. or, if we compare my hard time to your hard time, then maybe mine might not seem so bad. or maybe mine might seem worse. whichever scenario would make me feel "better" that particular day.

it's not always easy to find joy in any circumstance. to choose joy when sorrow feels like an easier option. it can take some serious effort to fill an aching heart with a joyful song. but that's where faith comes in. there comes a point when i have to decide if i believe God only because of what He does, or if i believe Him for who He is. it's amazing to see things take place that can only be described as the work of God. it can boost my faith and strengthen my walk. but...

if i base my faith in God solely on how i see Him working, then as far as i'm concerned, it's not authentic faith. faith is believing without seeing. so if i only believe when i see the things God can do, maybe my faith isn't as strong as i thought. life can be chaotic, crazy, and sometimes downright confusing. there are plenty of times i just don't know what the Lord is trying to tell me or trying to teach me. but does that mean i doubt Him? no. if i'm basing my faith on who He is, then i believe that He is working in my life, even if I can't SEE it.  

plans fail, people disappoint us, and accidents can happen. none of us can escape heartache, sickness, or death. but thank God that this is not the end. life is hard, this is true. 

but God is good. And that's enough for me. 

" To have faith is to be sure of the things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see." 

Hebrews 11:1

one week later and answered prayers...

It's been exactly one week since Laney had her surgery to remove the cyst on her head. She is doing wonderfully and recovering just as we would hope.  I can't tell you how much it means to our family to have so many praying for her and asking how she's doing. It is such a blessing to us!

I thought I would do a quick post on our experience at Children's and the details of Laney's procedure for my memory's sake, but mostly I wanted to write about all the ways that the Lord answered our prayers (and the prayers of others on our behalf) before, during, and after Laney's surgery.

On Monday, October 10th we woke up bright and early to get ready to leave for the hospital.  To say I was nervous would be an understatement. At that point, my main concern was the fact that Laney could not eat or drink before the procedure.  I KNOW that we were covered in prayer and that the Lord had His hand on that situation, because there were so many instances where we could literally SEE how He was working.

laney just chilling out in the waiting room pre-surgery

*Laney woke up at 4am and did not fuss. at. all.  She was happy as could be!

*She slept the entire drive to the hospital - which was also one of my concerns

*She was AWAKE until they took her back for surgery and was happy and playful.

*The doctor's were running almost 45 minutes behind (which meant that Laney had missed THREE feedings) and she never got upset. She was such a trooper!  She got a little fussy right before they took her back, but that was just because she was SO tired.

When I texted my mom and told her that Laney's procedure hadn't started yet. She texted back "is she okay?" and my response was, "by the grace of God." And I meant it. Laney is my baby that barely makes it every three hours between feedings before she's acting like she's starving. For her to go almost 8 hours (while being awake for nearly 7!) was nothing short of an act of God!

Another big stressor for me was the fact that we had to bring Libbi with us. Don't get me wrong, I love her to pieces, but sister does not do well in waiting rooms and just with waiting in general.  She kind of likes to do her own thing. :)

Both sets of grandparents were out of town (what are the odds?) and we did have some very sweet friends that offered to watch her for us, but when it came down to it, we decided to just take her with us since we didn't really know what to expect.

And the Lord answered our prayers yet again. Let's just say the waiting room was Libbi's dream come true. a little heaven on earth. There were bikes, play houses, puzzles, books, flatscreen tvs, even a wii!!! you name it, they had it. I had figured they would have some toys seeing as it was a children's hospital, but I didn't know that they had just undergone a $5 million dollar renovation! WOW! (and you better believe Libbi's baby made the trek up to the hospital, too!) ;-)

It took a little bit of convincing to get Libbi out of the waiting room and into the pre-op room, but once she heard there were more toys awaiting....she was well on her way.  Laney was just along for the ride. Bless her heart!  I was still nervous, but everyone was SO nice to us and so accommodating that it made it a little easier.  Once we were in the pre-op room, they brought Laney a little hospital gown. break my heart. the saddest thing ever!

she wasn't nervous at all! sweet girl!!

Laney was wonderful the entire time and so was Libbi. Jeffrey and I could not have asked for a better experience. Once they came to take Laney back to surgery, we had a few tears, but we knew she would be well taken care of.  Jeffrey took Libbi back out to the waiting room to play and I sat in the post-op room to wait for Laney.  As soon as the doctor came in to talk to me, I called Jeffrey and he and Libbi came back to wait with me.

libbi trying to blow up a glove like a balloon...and do you notice that she has stickers on her shoes?!?! ;-)

When they brought Laney into us, I can't even begin to describe the feelings I had. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I definitely was not prepared to see my tiny baby groggy from anesthesia with her entire head wrapped. It literally took my breath away. I think we were all in shock for just a minute. No one spoke, not even Libbi. But then Laney let out a little cry and I went straight to her. It's a weird feeling of wanting to hold her tight, but then being worried if I could hold her without hurting her all at the same time.

Thankfully, she snuggled right in.  The nurses had said that I could nurse her just a little when she came out of surgery (since she won't take a bottle!) but that she would probably throw up.  Um, nope. not our Laney girl! She nursed like she hadn't eaten in days and kept every bit of it down! :-) Jeffrey had taken Libbi back out to the waiting room (because she left her baby out there) so I was able to spend some time with Laney alone. It was nice to be able to just hold her and sit in the quiet for a little while. I couldn't stop thanking God for her and all the ways that He had protected her.

Being in a place like Children's really made me so thankful for my girls and their health.  I have no idea why some babies are born healthy and some are not. I don't know why some children are sick with chronic illnesses and others hardly ever get the sniffles. That is something I don't think I'll ever understand this side of heaven. Seeing children at the hospital that were having far more serious procedures than our Laney really made us mindful of how thankful we are for our health and our girls' health.  We don't ever want to take for granted that our girls are here with us and that they are healthy.

a little pre-surgery pep talk from daddy

Once we got home from the hospital it was really "business as usual" as Jeffrey called it. Both girls took a nap, we rested, and then we just hung around the house for the rest of the day.  Laney did better than we could have ever hoped for! Besides the stitches on the back of her head, you would never even know she'd had anything done.  she was her usual smiley, happy self. Some of our sweet friends from small group brought dinner to us and we just loved on our girls the rest of the night.  Laney did have her head wrapped, but she decided overnight that she was more comfortable without it - ha!

post-surgery....all smiles!

Now, we are waiting on the biopsy results.  The dr said everything went beautifully during the surgery and that we should have results in 7-10 days.  IF there is something of concern, they will call us; otherwise we will just go back for her follow up in three weeks. So, basically we're praying we don't hear a thing until we're back in the office for her follow-up! :)

I know this was long and very wordy, I just didn't want to forget any of our experience. Again, thank y'all so much for your prayers and your genuine concern for our sweet little Lay-Lay. We definitely felt them! We are incredibly thankful that we can say without a doubt that HE is, HE was, and HE will continue to be with us! And as much as we love our sweet "little sister", HE loves her more.

“What is the price of five sparrows—two copper coins? Yet God does not forget a single one of them. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows."

Luke 12:6-7

thankful...

Today was a hard day.  If I'm being honest, I can (gratefully) say that we really don't have that many "hard" days.  Yes, there are plenty of days where Libbi is a total mess and all over the place, but she's two; I kind of expect that. :)

Laney had her shots yesterday and it just threw her for a total loop.  She was all out of sorts today.  She was pretty much inconsolable and definitely impossible to please.  She didn't want to be held, but she didn't want to be put down.  She didn't want to nurse, but she cried like she was hungry. She fought sleep, but she was so tired....and on, and on, and on. She basically cried from the moment she woke up until the moment she (finally!) fell asleep this evening.

Bless Libbi's heart, she just took it all in stride.  I was so proud of her today!  I'll admit that she can be "high maintenance" at times (you're shocked, I know) but today she was all "Miss Independent, Miss Self Sufficient" - Kelly Clarkson style, y'all. ;-)

Granted, she watched a lot of TV and stayed in her jammies all.day.long, but still. (her bedtime prayers tonight included "little einstein's rocket ship" if that's any indication of our day).

We even missed Bible Study this morning, because I couldn't find five minutes to get dressed.  I was really sad about it, but I'm pretty positive Laney wouldn't have lasted in the nursery anyway.

There was one point during the day (okay, several points) when I was extremely glad that there were no hidden cameras in my house.  Not only because I hadn't showered and was still in my jammies at 1:00, but because my two year old basically had free reign of our living room while I tried every trick in the book to calm a screaming baby. There was a time when Libbi was lounging on the couch in just a diaper and her pj top eating straight out of a bag of chips. And that was probably a more redeeming moment of our day.

When Jeffrey came home from work, Libbi greeted him in a diaper and a pair of "sparkle" shoes, but she did have a big ole smile on her face, and that has to count for something, right? :)

Now that it's bedtime and everyone is sleeping (thank you, Jesus!) I'm sitting here just feeling so thankful for this day.  Yes, it was technically a "bad day", but at the same time it was also such a "good day" for my soul.   Even though I am SO tired and completely ready for this day to be o-v-e-r, my heart is full and I am reminded of just how much I have to be thankful for.

I am thankful that Libbi basically entertained herself all day. And I am incredibly thankful that even though I have serious guilt about that, she won't remember it come tomorrow. I am so thankful that I am able to be at home with my babies, and even more so that I get to be home with them when they're not feeling well.  I'm thankful that Laney isn't really "sick" she's just recovering from her shots.  I'm thankful that my babies are healthy.  I'm thankful that Jeffrey came home and offered to take Libbi upstairs with him and hold Laney while I finished up supper.  I'm thankful that, even though I wouldn't recommend it, I know that a day of TV, jammies, and crazy meals won't permanently damage a two-year-old, a four-month-old, or even a 29 year old. :)

Mostly, I'm thankful that His mercies are new every morning and that tomorrow is a new day!  Thank you Jesus for "do-overs" ;-)

"Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not.  They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness."

Lamentations 3:22-23

sparrows...

I don't think it's a coincidence that Laney's nursery has a subtle bird theme.  Her bedding features little lovebirds, there is a plate with a verse and a picture of a bird, a little bit of bird themed art, and even a birdcage frame are all waiting to be displayed.  It's funny, because with Libbi's room I went in the opposite direction.  I stuck to a color scheme, but definitely did not do anything "cutesy" or "thematic." While Laney's little lovebirds were picked out before we ever knew she was a girl. 

We took our sweet Laney girl for her appointment with the plastic surgeon yesterday.  Just as we suspected, the lesion on her head will have to be removed.  The doctor was very encouraging and assured us (as much as he could) that he didn't think it was anything to worry about.  They won't really know what it is until they remove it and send it off to pathology.  She will have her procedure on October 10th.  It will be an outpatient surgery and should be very minimally invasive.  Her stitches will be dissolvable and they won't even have to shave her little head. :)

Of course I have concerns about the whole thing.... What if she doesn't do well with the anesthesia? How will she handle the whole "no eating or drinking after midnight" rule? How will I handle it?  Will she be able to keep sleeping on her back? And honestly, I could really let my mind run wild and come up with a million "what if's" and possible scenarios that would make my anxiety level go through the roof. 

BUT....

I know that no matter how much I worry or stress or fret over every last thing, it won't change the fact that I am not in control of this situation.  Instead of freaking out over that fact, I pray that I can rest in it.  Rest knowing that God is in control.  I pray that I will be thankful that I don't have to worry about the outcome, because ultimately, it's already been decided!  God is in control. 

To me, the fact that Laney's room is filled with little birds, is just a sweet reminder that the Lord is in every detail. He knew before I ever even held her in my arms that she would have this procedure. I have no reason to fear, because if my God cares enough to watch over the birds in the air, He will surely take care of my sweet Laney here on this earth.  I can take comfort in the fact that He knows every detail of her little life, even the number of hairs on her head!  And if I truly believe that the Lord is sovereign enough to know how many hairs are on her head, then I have to believe that He surely knows about the little something extra back there, too! ;-)

       

“What is the price of five sparrows—two copper coins? Yet God does not forget a single one of them. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows."

Luke 12:6-7

the little things....

In case you haven't been able to tell, I have basically been a basketcase the past couple of weeks - ha! I have been a ball of emotions just bouncing back and forth between grumpy, sad, happy, and every other unfortunate feeling from here to kingdom come. I know I'm pregnant and I know my hormones are wreaking havoc on my body right now, but I still feel guilty, because I also know that being pregnant and uncomfortable is NOT an excuse to act ugly (as I have unfortunately sometimes been doing).

But.

I am BEYOND grateful for the grace of God (and my family members!) that He continues to pour out on me even though I am so undeserving.  I love hearing from others how God has come through for them in big ways....it is always such a faith builder. I have some of my own "God stories" that can only be explained by the fact that He can do so much more than I could ever imagine.  But, I also love the moments when I can see Him in the little things.  When He takes time to remind me that He is not just the God of miracles, but He is also an everyday God.  He cares about the little details of my life just as much as He cares about the big picture.  

I am so thankful for people that listen to that small voice that encourages them to extend kindness to others.  People that care enough to mention "the little things" that might seem insignificant to the giver, but can be invaluable to the receiver.  

Little things like:

The nursery worker at church who told me, "You look great!" when I dropped Libbi off. And I could tell she meant it. (Little did she know, I had cried the whole way to church because I just knew I looked like a beached whale).

The friends that text/email me to ask how I'm doing, because they know I don't feel like talking :)

The sweet pharmacy tech that kindly said, "Hi" back to Libbi each of the 5,000 times Libbi said "hi hi hi hi" to her first.  And bonus that her "hi" came with a smile each time.

When my mom called in to one of my favorite boutiques to get me a few goodies just to lift my spirits.

When this favorite boutique added in some of their own goodies free of charge just because they wanted to lift my spirits, too.

The man at the dry cleaners that always asks how I'm feeling and makes sure to say "hi" to Libbi.  He not only remembers my name and Jeffrey's name, but Libbi's, too.  

The candle that my sister gave me for Mother's Day....that she bought with her own money.

A husband that will take care of bathtime (even after a long day at work), because he knows this pregnant lady can't handle it.

Family that will totally rearrange their schedules just to accommodate ours.

The receptionist at the doctor's office that walked all the way out to the waiting room to bring me my insurance card and paperwork instead of calling me up to come retrieve it.

The nurse at the doctor's office that told me my weight was "perfect" even though I know it's far from it.

In the midst of all that is going on and the busy-ness of life, I pray that I will always take time to stop and think of "the little things" that occur every day.  I hope I'm never too hurried/flustered/ungrateful to appreciate them and notice them myself.  I pray that I will take every opportunity and follow every small nudge that I feel to compliment someone else or to go out of my way to show kindness.  Because you never know just how "BIG" the "little things" can be for someone else.  

22 weeks...

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 22 weeks

Size of baby: According to babycenter.com, Baby Tippins' weighs about a pound and is close to 11 inches long - the size of a spaghetti squash.  

Total Weight Gain/Loss: As of my last appointment, I had not gained any weight; HOWEVER....I know without a doubt that number has changed.  Especially since we were trapped in the house because of all the ice for 5 days.  My food intake drastically increased.  Not to mention that I think I wore my pajamas all day every day for 5 days straight - clean ones of course. (you're welcome, Jeffrey - ha!) So I have a feeling that when I put on my "normal" clothes they may have shrunk just a bit. ;)

Maternity Clothes: I wear mostly maternity pants/jeans, but a few of my regular shirts/dresses still. 

Gender: Only the good Lord knows....BUT, I'm still thinking girl as of this week.  I have no evidence or scientific reasoning to back up my theory, but I'm still leaning towards "girl."  Of course, with Libbi I was absolutely certain she was a boy - so you never know....

Movement: More frequent and more definite.  I was worried that it might not be as exciting this time around, but it's still just as exciting to feel this baby kick as it was to feel Libbi.  I love that Jeffrey can feel the baby now, too.  That makes it a little more real :)

Sleep: non-exsistent. I had horrible insomnia when I was pregnant with Libbi, and it looks like the trend is continuing (BOO!) When I do sleep, I have craaaaaazy dreams.  

What I miss: Sleeping through the night, caffeine, picking out any random thing in my closet and knowing it will fit. :)

  

Cravings: goldfish crackers.  I keep them on my nightstand and usually have a snack of goldfish around 2am every morning. milkshakes ;)

Symptoms: Mostly tiredness, heartburn - ugh!

Best Moment this week: This week was a crazy week because of all the snow and ice.  I was supposed to go to the doctor for my check-up, but my doctor's office was closed because of the weather/road conditions.  The best moment this week was probably when Libbi would pat my belly and say, "baby."  Obviously she has no clue what she's talking about (and she probably thinks we've lost our minds telling her there's a baby in momma's belly) but it's still cute! :)

As far as my picture for this week....you may notice that we had a little bit of trouble getting in a decent picture.  I have no idea why ;0)

***********************************

And on another note, as I wrote before, I am participating in SSMT over at the lpm blog.

Here is my verse to memorize this week:

Psalm 138:8 (NLT)

"The Lord will work out His plans for my life - for Your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. Don’t abandon me, for You made me."

I thought this was a great verse for me in basically all aspects of my life.  I am such a worrier and can literally make myself sick by fretting and stressing over everything (which seems to be magnified by 100 when I'm pregnant).  In my Bible Study this week, I read this quote by George Mueller: "The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety."  

I need to constantly remind myself that I am not in control - and that it's NOT something to worry about!  Because like His Word says, "He will work out His plans for my life"  - I am not expected to take matters into my own hands - Can I get an "amen!" for that?!? :)  If you want to participate in SSMT, it's not too late!  Head over to The lpm Blog and you can read all the details.  And if you're already participating, what's your verse for this week?

snow day 2011

I woke up with a bad attitude about the snow.  I was ill because it "trapped" us in the house, cancelled Libbi's school, caused the news to be on for 7+ hours straight, and ruined any plans that we may have had for the day.

Then I read these verses.....

"God's voice thunders in marvelous ways; He does great things beyond our understanding. He says to the snow, 'Fall on the earth,' and to the rain shower, 'Be a mighty downpour.' So that all men He has made may know His work, He stops every man from his labor...'Listen to this, Job; stop and consider God's wonders.'"

Job 37:5-7,14...

Instead of complaining about the inconvenience that the snow is, I should be thanking God for it.  What an amazing miracle and awesome display of his mighty power.  He literally said to the snow, "fall on the earth" and it did!  Not only that, but He did it as a way to slow everyone down and remind them of His works.  

I was convicted of my bad attitude, especially when I think of what this unplanned snow day is causing me to do: spend time in my warm home, bundled up under a blanket, eating home-cooked meals, and having extra time with Jeffrey and Libbi that I normally would not (due to work and school). 
How can I complain about that??!  

Thank you Lord for the snow!  Help me to "stop and consider all Your wonders"  and, when all of this freezes and extends our "snow-cation" by days and days, remind me that it is "the breath of God that produces ice." (Job 37:10)

....Now if only Libbi felt the same way ;0)  

please....

Lately, Libbi has been saying, "please" for everything.  She thinks that if she says, "please" (complete with head nod and pleading eyes) then she is entitled to whatever it is that she wants.  She will walk up to the receiver for the telephone and say, "please" then expectantly wait for someone to hand her the phone.  She'll find my necklace around my neck and after a quick, "please" assume that I will hand it over.  If we have a drink or any type of food (it makes no difference if she actually likes it!) she is right there with her wide eyes and cute little, "please!" 

And, oh the heartbreak when her "please" just isn't enough.  She is completely crushed when we have to tell her, "no."  After all, isn't please supposed to be one of the "magic words?"  Aren't we supposed to make a request followed by a sweet little please and in turn get what we want? I know I'm guilty of having that mindset.  How often do I come to the Lord asking, "please...?" Please do this or please do that.  Please give us this or give us that.  Please show me this or show me that.....

Just like Libbi waits expectantly after she voices her request, I too, often ask of the Lord and then wait expectantly for his response.  Most times, because I voiced my request and because I said "please," I expect His answer to be nothing other than, "yes!" But, many times, that's not the case.  There are times that His answer is "no."  While I may experience the heartbreak and the disappointment that comes with "No" (complete with my own form of pouting and/or tantrums) ultimately, it is for my own good.  

When I tell Libbi "no" (no matter how sweetly she asks or how many times she says, "please") it's not because I don't love her or even because I don't want her to experience something that she may enjoy.  It's because I know of consequences that she does not.  I can see the bigger picture while she is stuck in the here and now.  Yes, I know that she would love to use our phone and push every button on it.  I know that she would have a grand ole time pretending to make calls and hearing the beeping of each number she presses, BUT....I also know that she could call someone unintentionally, she could leave the phone off the hook while someone was trying to reach us, or she could damage the phone (and her teeth!) because as much as she loves pushing buttons, she equally loves chewing on them.

As much as she would love to wear my beaded necklace and as cute as she would look in it, I tell her "no" when she asks.  It's not that I don't want her to have fun or to enjoy "things", it's just that I am looking out for her safety in ways that she cannot understand.  While the necklace may look cute, I also know that it is a major choking hazard.  Something which she couldn't possibly understand at this point in her life, and unfortunately, she probably won't for many years :)  

Just like I thought my parents were completely ridiculous when I was in high school, I'm sure Libbi will feel the same about us one day.  I remember how I would beg to go to certain parties or people's houses and my parents' answer was always, "no." I thought for sure they were just mean and didn't want me to have friends or be popular or whatever, but I know now that they said "no" because they loved me and wanted to protect me.  My parents cared more about protecting my character, my reputation, my self-worth, and my fragile teenage heart than they did about me having a good time for one night.  As a teenage girl, that was something that I couldn't possibly understand, but thankfully, I had parents that did.  Parents who loved me enough to tell me, "no."  They saw the bigger picture when I could not.  

Isn't it the same way when we ask something of the Lord?  I know it is for me.  I ask and I pray and I wait expectantly, but sometimes the answer is still, "no."  While I may initially be disappointed, I eventually come to realize that just like I love Libbi and tell her "no" out love and protection, just like my parents told me "no" while I was growing up, He is doing the same thing for me.  He sees the bigger picture.  He knows how decisions will effect my life in ways that I am just not capable of knowing.   When God says, "no" it's not to punish me, it's to protect me.  While my motives may be selfish and/or self-seeking, His ways are never anything but pure.    Does that mean I should stop asking?  No....but it does mean that just like I expect Libbi to accept my "no", I also have to be willing to accept His.  Easier said than done.....but, not impossible. ;)

There have been times in my life when the Lord's answer was, "no" and while it hurt at the time, looking back I can see how he was protecting me from a hurt that would have been much, much worse.  Other times, the answer has been "no" and to this day I still don't understand why, but I do know that it was for the protection of my heart.  I hope that one day Libbi will understand that the reason we have to say, "no" is because we love her and want to protect from things that she can't see.  I pray that I will be strong enough to say "no" when I need to and that I won't give in out of fear. I pray that I will thank God when he says, "no" just as much as I do when he says, "yes," because ultimately, He always knows best.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, 

neither are your ways my ways," 

declares the LORD.

As the heavens are higher than the earth, 

so are my ways higher than your ways 

and my thoughts than your thoughts

Isaiah 55:8-9

weekend recap (and picture overload!)...

we had a busy, busy weekend jam packed full of fun!  Saturday morning we woke up bright and early and headed to the park to celebrate Grey's 1st birthday!

Here is our little lady (ha!) posing before the party....don't ask me where this pose came from...she is such a mess :)

This picture looks a little more "girls gone wild" than "toddlers and tiaras" ;0)

Even though it was a little rainy, we still had a great time and Libbi enjoyed seeing all of her old friends from school (and so did I!)  Grey is just the sweetest little thing I have EVER seen....he just oozes sugar :)  Unfortunately, I was a little preoccupied so I didn't get any pictures of the bday boy :( BUT, I was able to hijack this one from Facebook (thanks, Sara!)

And I am now officially adding "Happy Birthday" as one of the songs that makes me cry (especially when sung at a one year old's birthday party!) (*Blog journal Day 15 - songs that make me cry*)

Libbi stayed busy catching up with one of her BFF's...Phoebe.  Libs and Phoebes were shoot'n the breeze while riding in the convertible with the wind and rain whipping through their hair.  Just call them Thelma and Louise.

They also enjoyed sharing a swing.  Oh to be young and chunky and still be able to squeeze into a baby swing with a friend.....

Libbi tried her hardest to play with some of the big kids, but I finally convinced her that she is, in fact, still one of the "babies" (thank goodness!)

After the party, we went home and I was all prepared for Libbi to take a niiiiice long nap while I rested up from the party.  Apparently she had other plans.  Maybe she was on a sugar high or just too pumped up from all the excitement of her morning, but that girl slept a whopping total of 20 minutes and she was good to go.....I, on the other hand desperately needed a nap!! Instead, we stuck to doing laundry and then Libbi noticed that Jeffrey left one of his drawers open....

and made herself at home in our bathroom while I was in the closet putting away clothes

Jeffrey got home from golfing not long after, so I was able to rest just a little (thank you Jeffrey!) Since we had already totally blown Libbi's schedule for the day, we decided to just keep the trend going and head out for some ice cream after supper.

We went to Bruster's and Libbi was SO excited! :)  Jeffrey and I both got milkshakes and Libbi got a (FREE) baby cone.  We were all prepared for her to make a huge mess and devour that cone.  I should have known better.  She wanted NOTHING to do with that dinky little baby cone  - puh-lease!  She.wanted.a.milkshake.

Can you tell who's boss in this family? :)

I thought she was going to have a permanent brain freeze from the way she was practically chugging that chocolate milkshake - ha!  She was in heaven!

Needless to say, I ate the baby cone and Libbi and Jeffrey enjoyed chocolate milkshakes :)

Sunday morning we slept in (7am....thankyouverymuch) and enjoyed cinnamon rolls for breakfast before church.  We visited a new church and let's just say Libbi had a bit of a *nervous stomach* while we were signing her into the nursery.  And while we're at it, let's also say that this church had a very nice baby changing station :)

Sunday afternoon we napped (thank you Lord!) and watched the golf tournament. And I found out what happens when Libbi and Jeffrey are left on their own for some "playtime"....

my thoughts exactly....

Jeffrey also decided that Libbi could have a special snack Sunday afternoon.  He referred to it as a "Supervised Oreo." - haha!  (I promise we don't normally fill her up with junk - it just so happened that she had a few extras this weekend!) Poor, poor Libbi - both her momma and her daddy love us some Oreo's so she's doomed to love them too.  It's a blessing and a curse.

"all gone!"

Of course since it was Daddy's idea to do the "Supervised Oreo" - he also got to 

"supervise" the clean-up! ;0)

Jeffrey had a tennis match Sunday evening and since it was close to Libbi's bedtime, we decided to just stay home and do some laundry.

And Libbi took her dog for a walk or two....

After baths, books, and prayers it was time for bed.  Thank you Lord for our wonderful weekend that we enjoyed together as a family!