Wednesday, October 2, 2013

trying for peace....

this is day two in the series "31 days of honest effort
(click to read all posts in the series) 

it all started with this text from jeffrey last night:

 to which i so stupidly replied....
(and yes i do know how to spell "hurt" - that's not the "stupid" part)
can you see my mistake? 
i'll help you out: it's saying "it's been a semi easy night...
that's like the kiss of death when your husband is out of town.  it's almost like telling someone, "my baby is sleeping through the night" or "we have extra money in our account." once you say those things aloud, it basically guarantees that your baby will in fact, immediately STOP sleeping through the night and/or a costly situation will arise that takes care of all that "extra" money (and then some). 

some things are just better left unsaid, am i right? :) 

so about an hour after that text, i hear laney wake up crying and coughing. only it's the kind of cough that instantly signals the dreaded five letter word.... "croup."  
we've dealt with croup many times before and it typically sounds much worse than it is. but this time, it sounded just a bit different. laney was having a really hard time catching her breath. she couldn't talk and seemed to be struggling a little more than she should. so i decided we might need to have her seen right away instead of waiting until morning. thankfully, my mom was staying with us last night so i was able to pack laney up and leave libbi and liza still sleeping since she could stay with them. 

i took laney to the ER. i knew it was more than likely croup, but there's still something just SO unsettling about hearing your baby struggle. we got to the hospital and after a few tests, a few breathing treatments, and a steroid shot - we were on our way back home. at the lovely hour of 1:30am. all the while i felt like i should be filming a PSA...
"this is laney....

this is laney on steroids."  yikes.

so, all that say - my best "efforts" at starting out today on the right foot, got a little sidetracked. i've heard people jokingly say, "don't pray for patience, because the Lord will surely test it!" and i feel like i want to say, "amen!" i mean, here i am praying for my efforts to reflect my character and it's as if He's saying, "let's see just how hard you're going to try!" and honestly, today - i just focused on being peaceful. 
i took deep breaths and said a prayer when i realized it was 8:10, no one was dressed or fed, libbi's lunch wasn't packed, and we had to walk out the door in 20 minutes to be at school on time. 
{fyi...this is in the parking lot during carpool. she doesn't sit in the front seat ;)}
we made it to school (on time!) and i remembered it was ballet day as i watched libbi walk into school without her ballet bag. but, i just simply accepted i was going to have to go back home to get it and make another trip to school. i didn't let it ruin my day. when i came inside to drop off her bag, i didn't stress over the fact that i was basically still in my pajamas and i just smiled and chatted with her teacher like i was dressed to the 9's. nor did i let it ruin my day when i made the trip home after dropping off her ballet clothes and liza screamed the entire time and laney cried the whole way because she wanted me to hold her. nope. i just prayed that i would have patience and remain calm. i prayed for a clarity and contentment. i prayed that even in the midst of chaos, i would still feel peace.

today, my honest effort was put into accepting life's craziness. knowing that having a plan and a schedule will sometimes be trumped by diaper blowouts (yes, those happened too), croup, prescriptions, preschool, and a traveling husband - and that's okay. tomorrow is a new day, but that doesn't mean i can ignore today. my house may not be clean, i didn't wake up as early as i had intended. i missed bible study this morning and i'm pretty sure half the preschool thinks i'm a forgetful hot mess. i may not always be able to control my circumstances, but i can control how i react to my circumstances. and today, i tried my absolute best to act with peace. but you better believe i'm praying for a calmer day tomorrow ;) 
"I have told you these things so you may have peace in Me. In the world you will have much trouble. But take hope! I have power over the world!”
John 16:33

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