after i had libbi, i went back to work for about eight months. i still enjoyed teaching, but more than anything, i desired to be home with my baby. it was hard going to work each day knowing that my heart was somewhere else. after the school year ended, we made the decision for me to stay home with libbi and i couldn't have been happier. it was honestly my dream come true. a few months later, i was pregnant with laney, sick as a dog, and thanking my lucky stars that i didn't have to go to work each day. who am i kidding? i was thanking God i didn't have to get out of bed each day. it was rough. ;)
after having laney, life seemed to settle down a little and then we found out we were pregnant with liza. every now and then, in the midst of pregnancy sickness, toddler tantrums, and four-year-old attitudes i would think about how much my life had changed in such a short time. i went from writing lesson plans, teaching reading and writing, and doing parent-teacher conferences to rocking babies, changing diapers, and learning how to discipline my own children. and yet, it was what i had always dreamed of doing.
but somehow, in the midst of living my "dream" i can let the doubts start to creep in. and these doubts turn into lies that i start to believe. once i let these untruths break the surface, they can invade my thoughts like a small crack in a sheet of glass. and before i know it, they have splintered out into my life and there's a spiderweb of lies covering what i know to be true and threatening to shatter.
"what you're doing doesn't matter." or "that's not good enough." are lies that i can easily start to believe. for a long time, i struggled with feeling like i wasn't doing great things for God. don't get me wrong, i wholeheartedly believe motherhood is a calling and i am 110% thankful every day that the Lord has given us three beautiful girls. but motherhood is not always a "job" where you can see the immediate fruits of your labor. when i was teaching, we would work on phonics skills and the end result would (hopefully) be a successful reader. and i would feel a sense of accomplishment knowing that the hard work had paid off and i had taught a child skills they would use for the rest of their life! being home with three small children is a bit different than being in a classroom. the "end result" is not as black and white or often as revered as other accomplishments.
how many times have you seen the quote, "if you can read this, thank a teacher."??? i've seen it posted countless times. but have you ever seen anything reading, "if you can potty on your own, thank your mother."???
nope? me either.
and so i can start to believe that i'm not doing enough. that my "job" isn't big enough. or that i'm not doing anything worthwhile. but then God reminds me of one big truth: i'm not called to do big things for God, i'm called to do things for a Big God.
i don't have to worry about my worth or if i'm doing enough, because if i'm following His will for my life, then i am absolutely doing what's worthy...and it will always be enough. He doesn't call me to do great things on my own. He calls me to follow Him - and He is a Great God that will work through me to accomplish great things. parenting my children may not be a "job" in the eyes of the world. loving on my babies may not win me any awards. but if the only thing i do in this life is raise my girls to know Him, then i will feel like the most accomplished person in the world. if my girls love Jesus and love others, then that will be my greatest reward. and i will continue to pray that He daily reminds me of my #ONEBIGTRUTH:
i am not called to do big things for God, i am called to do things for a Big God!
"For you are great and perform wonderful deeds. You alone are God."
click here to see other posts about #onebigtruth
this is day(s) 9-10 of the 31 day series. click HERE to see the series in it's entirety.